Real, honest, true- Straight up.

I've been pondering this for a while..... and trying to figure out how to foot around the topic without people pointing fingers and assuming I'm talking about someone in specific and just acting dramatic.....

I'm not.... I'm just throwing out how I feel about it.... when it does happen,  so here it goes...

When did life's relationships become less black-and-white, and straight up?

I feel like it's always a constant in between..... You have good, happy relationships, and relationships that are toxic to your mind, and well being. You have supportive friends, honest, bold faced, trustworthy friends....

You come across people that are bad influences, depressive, and dishonest.

 

I used to be able to decipher the difference.... I knew who was bad and who was good, but anymore I feel like a huge majority of people you get the two for one special. I have been battling this past year about "true friends" the ones that support me and my life and happiness....

the ones that are my friend regardless of being friends with my ex.... instead of "pretending" to be my friend to my face.... but the second he comes around..... they don't like me or "we don't hang out anymore" ???  My decisions I make in my personal life should have nothing to do with how our friendship works? I could care less if people are friend with my ex! I think it's fantastic if everyone likes everyone! Or my favorite..... (because social media rules our lives these days) when you follow other people on line just to snoop into their life but every post they make you have a rude comment about.... why are you wasting your time and following them being their friend..... stop acting like a frienemies nobody likes it done to themselves... .stop doing it to other people.  

 

It's disheartening, really, when you are stuck in a confusing situation of deep down knowing who your "true friends" are.... and most days you have no clue. I am constantly coming face to face with this..... I figure I can wholeheartedly trust someone with a secret, or with my feelings.... and know that it will stay between us. And as you grow up they saying goes "you know who your friends are....."    hmmmm not really, no.  

 

13 years ago I could of told my childhood friend that we weren't suppost to sneak candy after the parents go to bed.... but we did it anyways.... and we pinky swore we wouldn't throw each other under the bus.... that secret got taken to the grave!!

Then you get to high school, with the mixed emotions of puberty, throw in the drama of boys, bad choices and rules.

You sneak out of the house to meet up with some older friends and boys.... You're parents find out....

Again, this time in life you pinky swear/ best friend handshake on it that you won't throw each other under the bus..... Except this time the scenario can go one of two ways....

1: You also, keep this secret to the grave. along with your afterhours junk food pack.

2: the other friend blames the other for something like "she made me do it"  "it wasn't my idea"

Now, as adults..... we tell each other secrets, or discuss our life's mysteries about men, and clothing trends... we discuss that we hate women that are "two faced" and "fake".... but just when all reality some scheme of things.... we are somewhat that same way as those women we have so much distaste for?

We have the .....

 "My husband/boyfriend/girlfriend is an asshole lately" talks....

 

"The- I really need to just talk about life, because its a mess.... "

   "The pregnancy scare what am I going to do with my life plans now.,,  ---- or "I am so excited after trying for months I'm pregnant" 

  "This friend is being a pain and I don't know how to handle it"

"I really am sick of work these days"

"The I was told in SECRET by this person so you have to PROMISE not to tell another soul (which the person who told you that secret made you promise this same thing.... which you are now breaking...)"

And for some reason or another you'll have 5 phone calls by the end of the week saying You're breaking up with your boyfriend?    .... You're pregnant?!!?...... You don't like this girl? I thought you were so close?!....     You quit your job?!..... ect....   (you get the point)

What happened to honesty, and trust in relationships- And I'm talking about relationships that you believe to be this way..... I'm not talking about those facebook frienemies again.... you expect this from women that you just mutually agree to be nice to each other in public so you put a happy face on.. (you shouldn't be telling them your life's problems anyways cuz you know they aren't trustworthy....so that's your own fault) .....   BUT The people that are your "safe place" .... you shouldn't be expecting this from them.... What happened to knowing deep down in your heart that you're friends with someone and they are your friend to your face..... and behind your back?

When did the majority of relationships become "half assed" ??

 

And, Im not going to be a hypocrite and say I have NEVER been this type of girl.... cuz I have.

Believe me. I used to be as fake as it could get. But now, going through what I've gone through in life, and having alot of heart to hearts with plenty of other people.... I have discovered who these friends are who they are not..... but I have also learned that it does nobody any good to let someone open your heart and share something with you just to go along and dishonor their trust.... its not okay.

 

Either you are a friend, or you're not. Straight up. No bull. No lies. You don't consider yourself to be "besties" with someone one day and then when a mutual friend asked oh I don't really like her/him.... and you agree with them just to save face.... or so you don't make yourself look bad.....  NOT OK. You're an awful friend.

 

Here is my oath as a friend to the men/women that I do choose to be friends with...regardless of how I have proven this to be true in the past. I am a safe place. I am honest, and trustworthy. I live by the childhood " treat others how you would like to be treated" mantra. I wouldn't want someone to spread things about me, nor tell a secret (that was specifically told to be kept that way) to someone else-  so I do the same respect for them.

 

It's common sense.... I just wish more people had it.

 

On the last note.... I am just glad that I know my safe place lays within my own home. With my boyfriend and son.  or with my parents in their home.  I love being able to know that my boyfriend and I have no secrets. We trust and love  each other to every extreme... We can talk about things that bother us, and things that have happened to us and never judge. Same for my parents, they never judge and truthfully give their opinion and support.So as I've gotten older, I have learned you know you your friends are..... and it supports the blood is thicker than water theory.  But take that with a grain of salt, I do have a couple of select friends that I know are behind me one hundred percent and I am so beyond grateful for those (few) girls I have in my life! But like I said, this post isn't about anyone in particular but just proving my point....  Because as we grow up we realize, its less important to have a lot of friends: And more important to have real ones.

The End.

 

Be good people.
Be honest. Be straight up. No lies.

 

 

xoxox,   Ky  

 

 

One of those days.

Everybody has those days,
those days that go amazing, perfectly normal, goes off without a hitch.
those days that go great and something small gives you a set back
those days that go good and then all of a sudden things are a mess
those days that just start and end bad and just wish you could of stayed in bed and slept thru it.

My days are mostly the same routine.....
Get up, get ready, I go to work,  go home, cook/clean,  go to bed....
Enjoy the 3 day weekends I get every week.
Especially enjoy the weeks that I have time with my little man.

I am incredibly blessed. I have it pretty darn good and should never complain.

It's just one of those days..... yesterday.... left me with another one of those not so swell days again today.

My biggest problem with all of this bad day having issue is that....  I shouldn't even let it bother me....

Its hard dealing with people you don't like. It's hard to try and be a bigger person and avoid confrontation at all costs but sometimes I feel like a portion of my life will always be a confrontation and a co-parenting nightmare. I feel like I'm stuck in the spiteful game of revenge these days.... anything that can be used against me..... will be always done so.

So my day started off great yesterday, I was happy and eager to get things done.
Until one simple question to my un willing-to-cooperate-  co parenter  threw my whole day into a sobbing, emotional mess. And to some people it may be the smallest of issue but to me.... it means a lot.

--- Long story short.... we have a list of things that was sorted through the divorce..... and now....
10 months later I am still battling for some sentimental things of mine....
We had written that we were to separate Konnors baby belongings 50/50 evenly- he'll take baby clothes--- blankets ect... that meant something to him or made by his family and I would do the same...
Well he went through it HIMSELF and gave me 3 blankets (only 3 blankets out of probably 20++ blankets) and NOTHING else pertaining to Konnor's baby-hood.
*yes I did go talk to a police officer and he told me that there was nothing he could do about it*
* also talked to my lawyer and he said that this would be a civil mater and have to go back to court if he is still refusing.... paying another 1000 for stuff that isn't even right to be fighting about is ridiculous...
So I Have asked  twice nicely.... and each time with the same response... NO
So my great grandma passed away 2 weeks ago and she had made a baby blanket for Konnor.... so I attempted to ask Ty again.... with again, the same response....

So, I am uncontrollably mad, and upset..... what kind of person withholds personal property (sentimental baby stuff- made by MY family) from a child's mother??  I'm not even asking for all of it. ... just half... when usually... men don't really care about those kinds of things anyways....
but I would never ever not give Ty or his family something back that was special to them and THEIR family.... its not mine to keep hostage of...

I am stuck with the fact of I obviously have only one option left.... and I really didn't want to have to use that option....

It's the worst thing ever to get divorced in the first place.... but continuing to have to play by their rules even when you just want them to disappear is just down right awful.

Me, being the emotional, person I am things effect me in big ways.
And nothing but sadness and a whole lot of hate filled my heart yesterday.... and still lingers with me today.....

But, after some venting (ie this blog- and crying it out to my amazing family and loving man) I came upon this quote.......  " Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.- Will Smith"
And he couldn't be MORE right.

The more time I spend wishing and hoping for this hard headed human to change.... the angrier I become-- knowing it most likely will never happen....
That becoming the better and bigger person will be easier on me, and my heart than being hateful-
Hating someone takes a lot of time and work and those people that you deflect your anger towards are never worth the effort anyways.

So--- Here is my advice to anybody going through a hard time, having a bad day or resenting your anger towards someone.....
Take a step back and ask yourself--- is this really worth my time and heartache???
Do you believe in Karma??? maybe so.... maybe it does exist and these people that give you heartache will get what they deserve back.... but if not.... don't lose sleep over it.
INSTEAD:

Simply,
Pray for them.
They are the ones that need it. - They are the ones that need to find forgiveness and love.
Pray for yourself. That your happiness will not be faltered by someone else's wrong doings.
Pray that you can forgive them as well and move on to bigger and better things that you deserve to have.


That being said,
One last thing.....

To those of you in my life,
regardless of you being my family, my closest friends, old friends and new friends...
I am very thankful that I do have some very good people in my life.
I am very lucky to have you.
If you have any helpful advice I'd be so happy to hear it!

So, if you're reading this.... thanks for letting me vent....
Or if you've already heard this story..... You know how much I love you anways....

But thanks for your love & friendship.

xoxox,

Ky

When someone else's happiness is your happiness....

When your frowns have turned into smiles, smiles turned into laughs, those laughs suddenly turn into kisses and before you know it days have turned into weeks and weeks into months and months. Suddenly, I've forgotten what life was like before he was mine.

Its been a while since I've made a post, and I just had the inkling of a feeling that my wonderful man of mine, doesn't get the credit he deserves. He is my rock, and holds me together each and every day.
I am all mushy and gushy and post pictures of us and how happy I am but that really doesn't make my point..... I am seriously, most certainly very blessed to have the relationship I do.

Life lessons came on hard and strong in a blazing ring of fire all at once for me this year.....
I learned to face my biggest fears of being the person I had been preventing myself from being for years. In denial of where I belonged and whom I belonged to. The decision was mine, and I took a leap of faith. It has been a long hard winding road from there to here but the ride has been worth while.

It's amazing at how much a difference one person can make. Being around people who bring you up and make you better is such a great feeling! Being in love, healthy and happy is amazing!
I make it sound like this is an experience I haven't had before, being in love I mean....
And, I have, I won't deny that, but this time around is completely 100% different. You know, I catch a bit of grief here and there about ohhhh its just the honeymoon stage things will fade, it will be all just like everything else....  No. certainly not the case here.

I truly have my best friend, and most amazing guy I could ask for. I am so very blessed to have him.
The past few months have been hell on my sanity, I feel like a crazy person sometimes and he just picks me up of the kitchen floor like everything will always be okay.
I feel like crumbling to pieces and end up sobbing over my toddler's meltdowns, after a hectic day at work or  even cuz of fights with the uncooperative co-parent I have in my life. When I wake up in the morning from a bad's night sleep angrier than a bear woke up from hibernation.....(and would probably scare the daylights out of anybody else).
  It doesn't matter the reason, he tells me things will okay, and I believe him. Every. Single. Time.

Things my Cody has taught me:

.1. That nobody is perfect, people make mistakes and we learn from them, us both being prime examples. We both now know what we want and most importantly what we don't. We've learned how to make adjustments and compromises when we need something different.

.2. That (love) its an equal partnership. Two people mutually equally being their for each others hopes, dreams, wants and needs.

.3. One person cannot be the constant giver while the other is a constant taker. Relationships require regular effort on both ends from both partners.

.4. If you cannot be who you are inside your relationship and you're constantly morphing into the expectations of other people (your parents, your spouse, your friends) -- you will end up resentful and most likely broken up/divorced.

.5. You cannot make someone else happy until you are happy with YOURSELF first. Its okay to be selfish and be happy just for the sake of yourself. Because when you are happy its much easier to make other people around you happy as well.

.6. Being happy and healthy, makes me much much more pleasant of a human being to be around.

.7.  Its really okay having someone want to be with me purely for the sake of being with me, not because he "has" to, or has to take care of our child, because he has to buy me a house or because he just it to scared to admit he's unhappy too.

.8. That its okay for us to do whatever the hell we feel like doing, we don't have to please anybody else, or care what any body thinks as long as we are happy together, that's what matters.

.09. Money..... is not the KEY to happiness..... You don't need to buy big fancy things all the time.... or go on expensive dates.... being a home, together cuddling watching Netflix with a cheap pizza.... Perfect.

.10. Spending time together, away from distractions keeps the flame intact. Constantly needing to be surrounded by groups of people and needing a "wing man" to entertain you on dates, or just because you can no longer sit and just BE together..... is a NO NO.

.11. It takes a great great man to love someone else's child as his own. And I am so very thankful he does! He's amazing :)

.12. To want someone in your life as much as he want's you in his, the feeling that you would do anything to hold each other together no matter the circumstances is the best feeling in the world.



That's only the start of it.... really, I could go on, and on.

But our time together the past month has been early in the morning and late at night thanks to harvest..... and I miss him so much! I just hope he realizes how truly blessed I feel to have him.
Because without him, I would be so lost.

I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am now that we are together.


xoxo,

Ky

Hey mom, you're doing your best.

Parenting is hard, but being a mom is the most rewarding experience a woman can be a part of. But sometimes, you just feel, ... like your best is still not good enough. A part of your heart just feels.... heavy.

That point where your 4 year old looks at you with that ***do you really want to tell me what to do look*** after you tell him: don't you dare dump that (who the hell knows exactly what is in that bottle) all over the carpet...... and swwooshh..... there it goes....

..... That isn't even the start of it....

There's pee in the toilet because he forgot to flush, there's marker on the wall.....

You have days where your kids think you are a monster for telling them no.... no.... no.... URRGHH ... NO.... all day....

Well let me tell you something..... it's worse.... when you're doing it, alone.

When you have no back up....  Dad.... to really lay down the law when your heart just goes soft from those looks your messy 4 going on 14 year old child gives you just after he ticks you the heck off.

For me, my experiences are something like, tantrums in the store because I am not spending 20 dollars on a pair sunglasses for them to be broken in 10 minutes, bed time routines that go haywire because he has to put his toys away and finally go to bed at 10 pm.... But my dad would buy them for me.... or my dad doesn't make me do this.
UGH That is the WORST. It's the most awful feeling knowing that your child will constantly compare the two living environments for the rest. of. his. life.

Or better yet, the throwing, hitting, kicking, screaming tantrums from time to time when shit really wants to hit the fan. And nothing in the world.... not even grandma.... can calm him down... and then the ringer of all phrases comes out..... "I don't like you "....

Heartbreak. Like instant tears that make me want to go lock myself in a closest and never come out because I feel so.... Heavy. Literal heart break. It is the worst feeling in the entire world to feel like you have failed the person you love more than anything in the entire world.

In the midst of a tantrum, I struggle, I worry that I may just of been selfish, that my happiness shouldn't of overlooked then happiness of my little boy. I try to talk myself into the fact that things would of just "worked itself out" if I would of just held on a little tighter..... That mommy and daddy should put aside their problems and be happy just for him things would of been okay. That my 4 year old wouldn't be throwing a tantrum if mommy and daddy lived together..... This is my biggest struggle.... and when I have my occasional sad times.. (I am human- I do have feelings).. This imaginary place where "maybe things weren't so bad" is where I head to. It's awfully unproductive. At times I lose sight of the fact that I felt worse then, than I do now, when I was there..... I still felt failure then, and I feel failure now. But then, I was the one unhappy and sad and crying and confused... Locking myself in a closet and not wanting to come out.... And now, here I am still doing that except for it hurts worse because it's not me that's hurting anymore. It's going to take some time to adjust, I keep getting told this over and over like a broken record. I know.

 

As a parent, that is my biggest fear, is for me to fail as a parent and for Konnor to grow up unhappy.

Finally, the part of me that finally has some common sense kicks in....and reminds myself...that's why we are where we are now. Tantrums are going to be thrown regardless of a child's parents living in the same house or not. That isn't what's making the difference. Snap out of it you're doing your best. You wanted to remove the negativity from his life, remove the depressed mom, and the fighting. You did that. He just needs time to adjust. And when it feels like all hell is breaking loose..... I just have to remind myself that it's just a minor moment... it will pass. It's just a little more tough on my emotions now, than it was before.

I don't know what tantrums other kids throw, or how other parents handle them... All I can say is no two people are the same. All I know is, that parenting is a battle. But it is the most rewarding thing on the planet. Kids will be kids, they will make a mess, they will get told no, they will get what they want, they will throw a fit when they don't. It's okay. It happens. Let them be, let them do. It will all be too soon when  the messes and tantrums will stop, and oddly enough, you'll miss them.

As a mom, I know the feeling all to well..... the proud overwhelming love you have when you look at your child and realize that they are the best thing that has ever happened to you. I know the fear of failure in all aspects of mother hood.... I know about that underappreciated feeling you get when you've been doing your best all damn day.... and just need the words "thank you for all that you do" to be said from your kids, and their father too. Trust me, I don't hear those words.... not then.... and most certainly not now.

 

So moms, never take it lightly that what you do every single day, makes a difference.

You are a BIG deal. You are superwoman and never even knew it.

So to the moms that go through the day, and have to stop and hide in the closet for a breather, here's to you. To the moms that work and feel like you're missing out on your kids. Here's to the moms that have "part time" with their babies, and miss them every second you spend without them. Here's to the moms and the dads that do it together, you guys don't know just how lucky you are.

 

From one proud, single mother..... to any other mother (single or not) out there....

You're loved, and appreciated.

Sometimes, it just needs to be said.

 

 

xoxxo,

Ky

 

Be better than you were yesterday

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/11-warning-signs-unhealthy-relationships-you-need-aware.html

 

I feel like I'm a walking cliché these days. Motivational sayings, reading nonsense articles.... ect.
But I guess that's my way of coping?

I do what I want:) But for reals, the link above....  cheesy BUT made me think pretty long and hard about where I was pre break up to where I am now....

For starters....

1. I was DEPRESSED. Like, didn't wanna get out the bed in the mornings, ate my feelings, didn't work out..... depressed.... SO UNHEALTHY!

2. I felt ugly, because, well I never got told I wasn't..... Kind of just put on the back burner, got looked at and was kind of just like oh hey want a high five for putting on makeup and brushing your hair?

3. I was FAKE. I felt the need to over compensate my less than glamorous life, and post happy pictures, posts of us and "COMPETE" with other couples that seemingly were more happy that I was... Social media was sucking the life out of me.

4. My need for "nice things" was overwhelming... again to keep in competition with others that had more money and things than we did....

5. I lost myself along the way..... I didn't take enjoyment in the littlest of things....

Seriously, I was that miserable of a human? It makes me really sad looking back.... I had a huge problem. It's really hard for me to even share this much vulnerability with anybody.... but take it for what it's worth. And by NO means am I blaming my ex or anybody else for any of these things... They were my problems and mine solely.

But now.... I have been humbled by my experience.... Sometimes one has to work on themselves and be happy themselves before they can be happy with another... So we (half assed) tried it out, therapy.... I got some professional help at a doctor.... tried fixing the sad, angry, depressed me..... It didn't last more than 2 weeks before divorce was definite.
So here I am continuing to work on me.... myself... and I. It's been a struggle. But it's a promising thing to feel like I will be coming out on top, a better more self sufficient, happier individual.

 

I have found....

1. I still am not a morning person.... BUT I do enjoy waking up in the morning and realizing that each day is a new day to be better.

2. My beauty DOES NOT lie in the eyes of a man or anybody else. I don't need re assured that I look good... because I feel better than I ever have, look better and actually get ready every single day. If I feel the need to take a selfie because I feel like I look amazing... damn right I will do it. I don't care what you think! :)

3. I don't need to post things to stay in competition... I don't have anybody to be in competition with... except the person I was yesterday. The people that read my posts  the people I share my feelings with..... they know, they understand my trials I have them... I struggle, I cry,.... but I'm getting better. I choose to share these things with the people I care about and consider "friends"

4. Material things, this is totally not relevant anymore, its humbling actually, to realize it's not about your nice house, car, or how much money you make.... It's about what you make out of what you have.... Total truth moment..... I wanted to cry a month ago when I bought "non brand" jeans for the first time in years and now I laugh because I realized that I had become that sort of materialistic person...... what a sad way to be!!

5. I enjoy everything..... I enjoy the moments I have with Kon, only having him half the time makes you realize you better enjoy the time you have. (It's made both of us better parents if you want to know the honest truth... we both have to spend quality time with him so he is constantly reminded of how much he truly is loved.)

Kon's smallest accomplishments make my heart swell I feel so blessed that I have this little boy to inspire me to be better every day.
I enjoy my family, my parents have been amazing supporters and I have become so close to all three of them the past 5 months!!!
I enjoy working, I enjoy having responsibilities
I enjoy being independent.
I have even started to enjoy my time to myself, my time to relax, or have a break down away from the spectacle of my child or family.

I find happiness when my friends are happy in big ways and small.  (I AM SO excited for one of my bestest friends that's having a baby boy this fall!) This is a big deal for me because (I am so embarrassed to admit this) usually when these things happened before I would be jealous of people around me...because they had things I wanted... babies, weddings, happiness.... (again with feeling the need to compete)

Becoming the person I have.... is a big journey for me. Letting go of my materialistic tendencies, my jealousy, my hatred of others, and my sole dependency of others for my happiness. Nobody is responsible for your happiness or unhappiness but yourself! If you don't like what you're doing, stop. If you don't like where you are at, move. Don't waste time on things that make you a bad person, don't waste time of day on negative energy.

That being said, I feel like I have come a long way.... Most people think it's stupid or annoying that I feel the need to post the things I do.... and that's okay this isn't for approval.... Just kind of like a progress report and if people that care about me and want to check in, great! It's also a reminder to people about the way we are, and the way we perceive others.
Trying to put things into perspective....  It's not our job to judge others. I'm learning that the hard way...I was an awful person, I judged I judged hard, I talked and gossiped and thought better of myself... Its making me a better more happier person now to realize that IS NOT the type of person I want to be! ... The bad things that you say about others says more about you than it does the person you're saying it about. Just something to think about....

 

"Don't ever be afraid to show people who you really are; because as long as you are happy with yourself, nobody else's opinion matters."

 

xoxo-  Ky

They know your name, not your story.

 

Death is an inevitable occurrence in peoples' lives.

There isn't anything you can do about it.... sometimes people live long happy and healthy lives, others are cut short.

Acceptance is the key factor in understanding your grief. acceptance that the loved one is gone, but yet never forgotten. Some people may hold onto treasured memories, prized possessions and photography that captures those memories. Holding onto those things can make one feel like a part of them will always be there and give comfort to ease your saddened thoughts.

But this post isn't about death..... it's about a different type of grief. Coping with the loss of a spouse through divorce.

This type of grief is so much more different. That person isn't really "gone" they are just removed from your day to day life. You still have the ability to run into them on the street and talk to them on the phone. In my opinion its harder. It's harder to see or hear that person at any moment. Your treasured memories are a gut wrenching feeling every time you look at them because you wonder, what happened to those happy people in the pictures..... and then you find yourself removing the pictures that have the two of you in them, including the ones of your family because you can't stand the thought of him staring at you from the picture frame when you wake up in the morning.... The grief settles in more so when you second guess your actions of divorce in the first place. Denial..... the fact that you try to justify that you didn't do all you could to, to "save" your marriage. Try to talk yourself into the fact that really things weren't as bad as you thought..... maybe just maybe it really was exactly like he says... "all your fault".... So if  you go through all of this sadness why is divorce even an option???  

 

NOPE. STOP IT. MOVE ON. BE HAPPY.

Holding onto those ideas doesn't make the pain go away.... they don't make things better.... When you get smacked back to reality from some inspirational quote you read about moving on and being independent or from sobbing uncontrollably to your mom 3 times a day.... It never changes the fact that there really was something wrong unable to be fixed. And instead be thankful that you can let something go and find true happiness.

 

Lately I have been brought down alot to the opinions of others. I lower my standards because of what others are saying of me... and it's not fair. This decision was not all mine regardless of how many people may talk that way..... nor was it only his. But its convenient that now a day's people are overly concerned about what I'm doing, where I'm at and who I am with. People like to make other peoples business their business..... I highly recommend those people obtaining a hobby...... But peoples concern of me isn't because the are truly that "concerned" about me.... So when this fact settles in that you honestly have to watch whom you open your heart and grief too, it really unsettles a person and makes them feel more alone than ever. My first reaction was to pack up my life and move away... but it wouldn't make my problems go away... and people will always have something to say regardless of how many miles away we are....

 

 

My advice to those of you going through any type of loss, or breakup.... Don't rely on others. You can vent and keep happy company and go ahead and have a glass of wine with  your girlfriends but always remember that your own happiness lies within yourself and not it some one's value of you. It was brought to my attention a while ago... that one should treat themselves as a 20 dollar bill.... 20 dollar bills may get torn, and dirty but when it is time to cash in your 20 dollar bill no matter how it may look on the outside, it still has that 20 dollar value. Your heart may get broken and you may look like hell in the midst of your messy bun and mascara down your face but you my darling will always be worth cashing in.

Find happiness and remember to search out the good in the worst situations.

Good Vibes

xoxo,

Ky

 

 

Best girl keep your head up; feel good breakup song. evvverr.

 

Happiness is a way of travel, not the destination

When you think about good vs evil most would think of super heroes’ vs. villains. Batman versus The Joker. Well life isn’t played out as a comic book or like some million dollar movie…even though it would be totally rad to be the damsel in distress being saved by Bruce Wayne… but life, just really isn’t that simple.
This isn’t a story about heroes… not like the ones in the movies anyway.. This is about you, people vs the world. This is about me, me vs my evil.. About Me, trying to seek out the good in myself, good in others, and the good in life. Honestly, in all reality that is what I want, to find true good in life and to be happy.

Lately finding the good is so much more harder than it is to be able to seek out the bad. It’s easy to be reminded every day of  the sadness and then constantly obsessing over the things that I do wrong and things I’ve done wrong in the past. That voice in the back of my head brings me down and overcomes my good thoughts of improvement. I’m declaring that it’s time to kick that voice to the curb. It’s a new day and a new start to give myself the chance to ponder the blessings and take in all the good things in life.
I watched a video about choosing the WRONG path…. And how in fact, sometimes you are lead down wrong paths for a reason. This wrong path that is chosen by you ultimately teaches you important lessons and also further leads you into the right direction and path after a few wrong left turns. You realize that some wrong decisions mold you into a better person because you overcome obstacles.

Now at first, I automatically had the thought about, what if, this turmoil and pending divorce in my life, was in fact a wrong path.. I constantly obsess over what could have been done differently like I said, its easier to look at the mistakes and the bad, rather than let them mold you and make you better for the future…… so after much thought and prayer on the feelings I was having over such a small gesture as a friend sending me an uplifting video and trying to overcome my feelings of sadness and guilt…I realized that this divorce wasn’t the wrong path at all.

Maybe, just maybe, I was led down the wrong path of getting married…. Now don’t get me wrong, because that’s not how I feel “that being married was a wrong path” but more of an amazing life lesson. I had so many blessings come out of the past 5 years of my life especially my beautiful little boy. But maybe its possible that Ty and I’s futures apart will bring bigger and better blessings to the both of us.. So, what I had realized that maybe all of this happened for a reason… which still was a hard thing to comprehend because why would something that causes so much sadness happen for a reason?? (That my friends I am still trying to find my own answers to that question) I'm just trying to see the good out of what seems to be an evil situation. I am done with that path of sadness and leading my way onto a path of happiness, and seeking out the good in myself, the good in others and the good in life.

Focusing on the bad is unproductive. Stop focusing on the bad you’ve done, the bad things that happened today, or picking out the bad in others. Instead seek happiness on the cloudiest of days, focus on bettering yourself, and feel thankful for the blessings that you do have. Do not let the bad overcome the good. Now, I am not ever known to be a religious person but lately I have come to find out when you believe in something bigger than life itself it brings a sort of peace to your life…. I come upon a scripture caption on “uplifting instagram posts” and then I sought out my dad for some advice on the scripture….

Alma 40:12 “And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous; are relieved into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace where they shall rest and from all care and sorrow..” 

Now this scripture is about passing on and if one was to live a “righteous life” they shall be entered into heaven and rest in paradise. I however, am taking it further and going to enter this theory into everyday life. Right now. Be righteous- be kind, do the right things- and happiness will be granted to you today. It’s a pretty good theory I’d like to think…. Its hard to have a bad day if you rid yourself of the bad things, and the negativity. I’m going to try to remember the fact that the happiest people do not always have the best of everything, instead they make the best of everything that they have.

Be righteous- Be happy. Be kind, take that path. Choose happiness. Choose good over evil. Do not seek to do harm to others for you don’t know their stories- everyone is fighting their own hard battles. And, if it is you fighting your own inner battles always remember that you may have a bad day but it’s not a bad life. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Seek good. Do good. Have good. Be happy.

Whatever paths you may choose to go down, take your time, enjoy the view and learn lessons about life and new things about yourself. Take time to be thankful for your blessings and never take things for granted. Love life, and it will love you right back. Happiness is a way of travel, not the destination.

Always,

Ky

p.s. reference to the video..... here is the link incase any of you would like to view this wonderful message yourself. Take it as you will, and enjoy. https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-09-016-wrong-roads?category=mormon-messages/mormon-messages-2013&lang=eng