Death is an inevitable
occurrence in peoples' lives.
There isn't
anything you can do about it.... sometimes people live long happy and healthy
lives, others are cut short.
Acceptance is
the key factor in understanding your grief. acceptance that the loved one is
gone, but yet never forgotten. Some people may hold onto treasured memories,
prized possessions and photography that captures those memories. Holding onto
those things can make one feel like a part of them will always be there and
give comfort to ease your saddened thoughts.
But this post isn't
about death..... it's about a different type of grief. Coping with the loss of
a spouse through divorce.
This type of
grief is so much more different. That person isn't really "gone" they
are just removed from your day to day life. You still have the ability to run
into them on the street and talk to them on the phone. In my opinion its
harder. It's harder to see or hear that person at any moment. Your treasured
memories are a gut wrenching feeling every time you look at them because you
wonder, what happened to those happy people in the pictures..... and then you
find yourself removing the pictures that have the two of you in them, including
the ones of your family because you can't stand the thought of him staring at
you from the picture frame when you wake up in the morning.... The grief settles
in more so when you second guess your actions of divorce in the first place.
Denial..... the fact that you try to justify that you didn't do all you could
to, to "save" your marriage. Try to talk yourself into the fact that
really things weren't as bad as you thought..... maybe just maybe it really was
exactly like he says... "all your fault".... So if you go through all of this sadness why is
divorce even an option???
NOPE. STOP IT. MOVE ON. BE HAPPY.
Holding onto
those ideas doesn't make the pain go away.... they don't make things better....
When you get smacked back to reality from some inspirational quote you read
about moving on and being independent or from sobbing uncontrollably to your
mom 3 times a day.... It never changes the fact that there really was something
wrong unable to be fixed. And instead be thankful that you can let something go and find true happiness.
Lately I have
been brought down alot to the opinions of others. I lower my standards because
of what others are saying of me... and it's not fair. This decision was not all
mine regardless of how many people may talk that way..... nor was it only his. But
its convenient that now a day's people are overly concerned about what I'm
doing, where I'm at and who I am with. People like to make other peoples business
their business..... I highly recommend those people obtaining a hobby...... But
peoples concern of me isn't because the are truly that "concerned"
about me.... So when this fact settles in that you honestly have to watch whom
you open your heart and grief too, it really unsettles a person and makes them
feel more alone than ever. My first reaction was to pack up my life and move
away... but it wouldn't make my problems go away... and people will always have
something to say regardless of how many miles away we are....
My advice to
those of you going through any type of loss, or breakup.... Don't rely on
others. You can vent and keep happy company and go ahead and have a glass of
wine with your girlfriends but always
remember that your own happiness lies within yourself and not it some one's
value of you. It was brought to my attention a while ago... that one should
treat themselves as a 20 dollar bill.... 20 dollar bills may get torn, and
dirty but when it is time to cash in your 20 dollar bill no matter how it may
look on the outside, it still has that 20 dollar value. Your heart may get
broken and you may look like hell in the midst of your messy bun and mascara
down your face but you my darling will always be worth cashing in.
Find happiness
and remember to search out the good in the worst situations.
Good Vibes
xoxo,
Ky
Best girl keep your head up; feel good breakup song. evvverr.
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