those days that go amazing, perfectly normal, goes off without a hitch.
those days that go great and something small gives you a set back
those days that go good and then all of a sudden things are a mess
those days that just start and end bad and just wish you could of stayed in bed and slept thru it.
My days are mostly the same routine.....
Get up, get ready, I go to work, go home, cook/clean, go to bed....
Enjoy the 3 day weekends I get every week.
Especially enjoy the weeks that I have time with my little man.
I am incredibly blessed. I have it pretty darn good and should never complain.
It's just one of those days..... yesterday.... left me with another one of those not so swell days again today.
My biggest problem with all of this bad day having issue is that.... I shouldn't even let it bother me....
Its hard dealing with people you don't like. It's hard to try and be a bigger person and avoid confrontation at all costs but sometimes I feel like a portion of my life will always be a confrontation and a co-parenting nightmare. I feel like I'm stuck in the spiteful game of revenge these days.... anything that can be used against me..... will be always done so.
So my day started off great yesterday, I was happy and eager to get things done.
Until one simple question to my un willing-to-cooperate- co parenter threw my whole day into a sobbing, emotional mess. And to some people it may be the smallest of issue but to me.... it means a lot.
--- Long story short.... we have a list of things that was sorted through the divorce..... and now....
10 months later I am still battling for some sentimental things of mine....
We had written that we were to separate Konnors baby belongings 50/50 evenly- he'll take baby clothes--- blankets ect... that meant something to him or made by his family and I would do the same...
Well he went through it HIMSELF and gave me 3 blankets (only 3 blankets out of probably 20++ blankets) and NOTHING else pertaining to Konnor's baby-hood.
*yes I did go talk to a police officer and he told me that there was nothing he could do about it*
* also talked to my lawyer and he said that this would be a civil mater and have to go back to court if he is still refusing.... paying another 1000 for stuff that isn't even right to be fighting about is ridiculous...
So I Have asked twice nicely.... and each time with the same response... NO
So my great grandma passed away 2 weeks ago and she had made a baby blanket for Konnor.... so I attempted to ask Ty again.... with again, the same response....
So, I am uncontrollably mad, and upset..... what kind of person withholds personal property (sentimental baby stuff- made by MY family) from a child's mother?? I'm not even asking for all of it. ... just half... when usually... men don't really care about those kinds of things anyways....
but I would never ever not give Ty or his family something back that was special to them and THEIR family.... its not mine to keep hostage of...
I am stuck with the fact of I obviously have only one option left.... and I really didn't want to have to use that option....
It's the worst thing ever to get divorced in the first place.... but continuing to have to play by their rules even when you just want them to disappear is just down right awful.
Me, being the emotional, person I am things effect me in big ways.
And nothing but sadness and a whole lot of hate filled my heart yesterday.... and still lingers with me today.....
But, after some venting (ie this blog- and crying it out to my amazing family and loving man) I came upon this quote....... " Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.- Will Smith"
And he couldn't be MORE right.
The more time I spend wishing and hoping for this hard headed human to change.... the angrier I become-- knowing it most likely will never happen....
That becoming the better and bigger person will be easier on me, and my heart than being hateful-
Hating someone takes a lot of time and work and those people that you deflect your anger towards are never worth the effort anyways.
So--- Here is my advice to anybody going through a hard time, having a bad day or resenting your anger towards someone.....
Take a step back and ask yourself--- is this really worth my time and heartache???
Do you believe in Karma??? maybe so.... maybe it does exist and these people that give you heartache will get what they deserve back.... but if not.... don't lose sleep over it.
INSTEAD:
Simply,
Pray for them.
They are the ones that need it. - They are the ones that need to find forgiveness and love.
Pray for yourself. That your happiness will not be faltered by someone else's wrong doings.
Pray that you can forgive them as well and move on to bigger and better things that you deserve to have.
That being said,
One last thing.....
To those of you in my life,
regardless of you being my family, my closest friends, old friends and new friends...
I am very thankful that I do have some very good people in my life.
I am very lucky to have you.
If you have any helpful advice I'd be so happy to hear it!
So, if you're reading this.... thanks for letting me vent....
Or if you've already heard this story..... You know how much I love you anways....
But thanks for your love & friendship.
xoxox,
Ky
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