One of those days.

Everybody has those days,
those days that go amazing, perfectly normal, goes off without a hitch.
those days that go great and something small gives you a set back
those days that go good and then all of a sudden things are a mess
those days that just start and end bad and just wish you could of stayed in bed and slept thru it.

My days are mostly the same routine.....
Get up, get ready, I go to work,  go home, cook/clean,  go to bed....
Enjoy the 3 day weekends I get every week.
Especially enjoy the weeks that I have time with my little man.

I am incredibly blessed. I have it pretty darn good and should never complain.

It's just one of those days..... yesterday.... left me with another one of those not so swell days again today.

My biggest problem with all of this bad day having issue is that....  I shouldn't even let it bother me....

Its hard dealing with people you don't like. It's hard to try and be a bigger person and avoid confrontation at all costs but sometimes I feel like a portion of my life will always be a confrontation and a co-parenting nightmare. I feel like I'm stuck in the spiteful game of revenge these days.... anything that can be used against me..... will be always done so.

So my day started off great yesterday, I was happy and eager to get things done.
Until one simple question to my un willing-to-cooperate-  co parenter  threw my whole day into a sobbing, emotional mess. And to some people it may be the smallest of issue but to me.... it means a lot.

--- Long story short.... we have a list of things that was sorted through the divorce..... and now....
10 months later I am still battling for some sentimental things of mine....
We had written that we were to separate Konnors baby belongings 50/50 evenly- he'll take baby clothes--- blankets ect... that meant something to him or made by his family and I would do the same...
Well he went through it HIMSELF and gave me 3 blankets (only 3 blankets out of probably 20++ blankets) and NOTHING else pertaining to Konnor's baby-hood.
*yes I did go talk to a police officer and he told me that there was nothing he could do about it*
* also talked to my lawyer and he said that this would be a civil mater and have to go back to court if he is still refusing.... paying another 1000 for stuff that isn't even right to be fighting about is ridiculous...
So I Have asked  twice nicely.... and each time with the same response... NO
So my great grandma passed away 2 weeks ago and she had made a baby blanket for Konnor.... so I attempted to ask Ty again.... with again, the same response....

So, I am uncontrollably mad, and upset..... what kind of person withholds personal property (sentimental baby stuff- made by MY family) from a child's mother??  I'm not even asking for all of it. ... just half... when usually... men don't really care about those kinds of things anyways....
but I would never ever not give Ty or his family something back that was special to them and THEIR family.... its not mine to keep hostage of...

I am stuck with the fact of I obviously have only one option left.... and I really didn't want to have to use that option....

It's the worst thing ever to get divorced in the first place.... but continuing to have to play by their rules even when you just want them to disappear is just down right awful.

Me, being the emotional, person I am things effect me in big ways.
And nothing but sadness and a whole lot of hate filled my heart yesterday.... and still lingers with me today.....

But, after some venting (ie this blog- and crying it out to my amazing family and loving man) I came upon this quote.......  " Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.- Will Smith"
And he couldn't be MORE right.

The more time I spend wishing and hoping for this hard headed human to change.... the angrier I become-- knowing it most likely will never happen....
That becoming the better and bigger person will be easier on me, and my heart than being hateful-
Hating someone takes a lot of time and work and those people that you deflect your anger towards are never worth the effort anyways.

So--- Here is my advice to anybody going through a hard time, having a bad day or resenting your anger towards someone.....
Take a step back and ask yourself--- is this really worth my time and heartache???
Do you believe in Karma??? maybe so.... maybe it does exist and these people that give you heartache will get what they deserve back.... but if not.... don't lose sleep over it.
INSTEAD:

Simply,
Pray for them.
They are the ones that need it. - They are the ones that need to find forgiveness and love.
Pray for yourself. That your happiness will not be faltered by someone else's wrong doings.
Pray that you can forgive them as well and move on to bigger and better things that you deserve to have.


That being said,
One last thing.....

To those of you in my life,
regardless of you being my family, my closest friends, old friends and new friends...
I am very thankful that I do have some very good people in my life.
I am very lucky to have you.
If you have any helpful advice I'd be so happy to hear it!

So, if you're reading this.... thanks for letting me vent....
Or if you've already heard this story..... You know how much I love you anways....

But thanks for your love & friendship.

xoxox,

Ky

When someone else's happiness is your happiness....

When your frowns have turned into smiles, smiles turned into laughs, those laughs suddenly turn into kisses and before you know it days have turned into weeks and weeks into months and months. Suddenly, I've forgotten what life was like before he was mine.

Its been a while since I've made a post, and I just had the inkling of a feeling that my wonderful man of mine, doesn't get the credit he deserves. He is my rock, and holds me together each and every day.
I am all mushy and gushy and post pictures of us and how happy I am but that really doesn't make my point..... I am seriously, most certainly very blessed to have the relationship I do.

Life lessons came on hard and strong in a blazing ring of fire all at once for me this year.....
I learned to face my biggest fears of being the person I had been preventing myself from being for years. In denial of where I belonged and whom I belonged to. The decision was mine, and I took a leap of faith. It has been a long hard winding road from there to here but the ride has been worth while.

It's amazing at how much a difference one person can make. Being around people who bring you up and make you better is such a great feeling! Being in love, healthy and happy is amazing!
I make it sound like this is an experience I haven't had before, being in love I mean....
And, I have, I won't deny that, but this time around is completely 100% different. You know, I catch a bit of grief here and there about ohhhh its just the honeymoon stage things will fade, it will be all just like everything else....  No. certainly not the case here.

I truly have my best friend, and most amazing guy I could ask for. I am so very blessed to have him.
The past few months have been hell on my sanity, I feel like a crazy person sometimes and he just picks me up of the kitchen floor like everything will always be okay.
I feel like crumbling to pieces and end up sobbing over my toddler's meltdowns, after a hectic day at work or  even cuz of fights with the uncooperative co-parent I have in my life. When I wake up in the morning from a bad's night sleep angrier than a bear woke up from hibernation.....(and would probably scare the daylights out of anybody else).
  It doesn't matter the reason, he tells me things will okay, and I believe him. Every. Single. Time.

Things my Cody has taught me:

.1. That nobody is perfect, people make mistakes and we learn from them, us both being prime examples. We both now know what we want and most importantly what we don't. We've learned how to make adjustments and compromises when we need something different.

.2. That (love) its an equal partnership. Two people mutually equally being their for each others hopes, dreams, wants and needs.

.3. One person cannot be the constant giver while the other is a constant taker. Relationships require regular effort on both ends from both partners.

.4. If you cannot be who you are inside your relationship and you're constantly morphing into the expectations of other people (your parents, your spouse, your friends) -- you will end up resentful and most likely broken up/divorced.

.5. You cannot make someone else happy until you are happy with YOURSELF first. Its okay to be selfish and be happy just for the sake of yourself. Because when you are happy its much easier to make other people around you happy as well.

.6. Being happy and healthy, makes me much much more pleasant of a human being to be around.

.7.  Its really okay having someone want to be with me purely for the sake of being with me, not because he "has" to, or has to take care of our child, because he has to buy me a house or because he just it to scared to admit he's unhappy too.

.8. That its okay for us to do whatever the hell we feel like doing, we don't have to please anybody else, or care what any body thinks as long as we are happy together, that's what matters.

.09. Money..... is not the KEY to happiness..... You don't need to buy big fancy things all the time.... or go on expensive dates.... being a home, together cuddling watching Netflix with a cheap pizza.... Perfect.

.10. Spending time together, away from distractions keeps the flame intact. Constantly needing to be surrounded by groups of people and needing a "wing man" to entertain you on dates, or just because you can no longer sit and just BE together..... is a NO NO.

.11. It takes a great great man to love someone else's child as his own. And I am so very thankful he does! He's amazing :)

.12. To want someone in your life as much as he want's you in his, the feeling that you would do anything to hold each other together no matter the circumstances is the best feeling in the world.



That's only the start of it.... really, I could go on, and on.

But our time together the past month has been early in the morning and late at night thanks to harvest..... and I miss him so much! I just hope he realizes how truly blessed I feel to have him.
Because without him, I would be so lost.

I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am now that we are together.


xoxo,

Ky