Happiness is a way of travel, not the destination

When you think about good vs evil most would think of super heroes’ vs. villains. Batman versus The Joker. Well life isn’t played out as a comic book or like some million dollar movie…even though it would be totally rad to be the damsel in distress being saved by Bruce Wayne… but life, just really isn’t that simple.
This isn’t a story about heroes… not like the ones in the movies anyway.. This is about you, people vs the world. This is about me, me vs my evil.. About Me, trying to seek out the good in myself, good in others, and the good in life. Honestly, in all reality that is what I want, to find true good in life and to be happy.

Lately finding the good is so much more harder than it is to be able to seek out the bad. It’s easy to be reminded every day of  the sadness and then constantly obsessing over the things that I do wrong and things I’ve done wrong in the past. That voice in the back of my head brings me down and overcomes my good thoughts of improvement. I’m declaring that it’s time to kick that voice to the curb. It’s a new day and a new start to give myself the chance to ponder the blessings and take in all the good things in life.
I watched a video about choosing the WRONG path…. And how in fact, sometimes you are lead down wrong paths for a reason. This wrong path that is chosen by you ultimately teaches you important lessons and also further leads you into the right direction and path after a few wrong left turns. You realize that some wrong decisions mold you into a better person because you overcome obstacles.

Now at first, I automatically had the thought about, what if, this turmoil and pending divorce in my life, was in fact a wrong path.. I constantly obsess over what could have been done differently like I said, its easier to look at the mistakes and the bad, rather than let them mold you and make you better for the future…… so after much thought and prayer on the feelings I was having over such a small gesture as a friend sending me an uplifting video and trying to overcome my feelings of sadness and guilt…I realized that this divorce wasn’t the wrong path at all.

Maybe, just maybe, I was led down the wrong path of getting married…. Now don’t get me wrong, because that’s not how I feel “that being married was a wrong path” but more of an amazing life lesson. I had so many blessings come out of the past 5 years of my life especially my beautiful little boy. But maybe its possible that Ty and I’s futures apart will bring bigger and better blessings to the both of us.. So, what I had realized that maybe all of this happened for a reason… which still was a hard thing to comprehend because why would something that causes so much sadness happen for a reason?? (That my friends I am still trying to find my own answers to that question) I'm just trying to see the good out of what seems to be an evil situation. I am done with that path of sadness and leading my way onto a path of happiness, and seeking out the good in myself, the good in others and the good in life.

Focusing on the bad is unproductive. Stop focusing on the bad you’ve done, the bad things that happened today, or picking out the bad in others. Instead seek happiness on the cloudiest of days, focus on bettering yourself, and feel thankful for the blessings that you do have. Do not let the bad overcome the good. Now, I am not ever known to be a religious person but lately I have come to find out when you believe in something bigger than life itself it brings a sort of peace to your life…. I come upon a scripture caption on “uplifting instagram posts” and then I sought out my dad for some advice on the scripture….

Alma 40:12 “And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous; are relieved into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace where they shall rest and from all care and sorrow..” 

Now this scripture is about passing on and if one was to live a “righteous life” they shall be entered into heaven and rest in paradise. I however, am taking it further and going to enter this theory into everyday life. Right now. Be righteous- be kind, do the right things- and happiness will be granted to you today. It’s a pretty good theory I’d like to think…. Its hard to have a bad day if you rid yourself of the bad things, and the negativity. I’m going to try to remember the fact that the happiest people do not always have the best of everything, instead they make the best of everything that they have.

Be righteous- Be happy. Be kind, take that path. Choose happiness. Choose good over evil. Do not seek to do harm to others for you don’t know their stories- everyone is fighting their own hard battles. And, if it is you fighting your own inner battles always remember that you may have a bad day but it’s not a bad life. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Seek good. Do good. Have good. Be happy.

Whatever paths you may choose to go down, take your time, enjoy the view and learn lessons about life and new things about yourself. Take time to be thankful for your blessings and never take things for granted. Love life, and it will love you right back. Happiness is a way of travel, not the destination.

Always,

Ky

p.s. reference to the video..... here is the link incase any of you would like to view this wonderful message yourself. Take it as you will, and enjoy. https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-09-016-wrong-roads?category=mormon-messages/mormon-messages-2013&lang=eng

Love the one you're with

All is fair in love and war....... but what happens when it's your love that becomes the war. The thing with that sort of war, there is no winner when all has been lost.
Now, I am not one that likes to just put her personal life on blast but in this case, I have alot of people who like to talk, and assume they know everything, I live in a small town that everyone likes to make other people's business their business...So for those that like to think they know it all, think again. But this will be a healing and learning experience for me, so for those who are offering friendship and support, I'll take all I can get. For those who are just nosy.... go kick rocks:) 
I went to sacrament meeting today for the first time in over a year. The topic? Eternal mothers and family values/the meaning of ones home. A specific part of the talk that has stuck out in my head all day,  "The best thing a mother can do, is to love her child's father." Instant grief overwhelmed me- I felt as if she was speaking directly to me. I felt like a failure. I love Konnor's father, but just as that, Konnor's father. I was thankful for him in the sense that without him, I would not have Konnor in the first place. As for Ty himself, the person I've known and loved the past 5 years had become a complete stranger to me. We both walked amongst each other on autopilot ignoring each others wants and needs. I had gotten to the point where I wasn't sure I even knew myself, I was a zombie on autopilot- Angry, bitter and depressed and I no longer loved the man that I was supposed to have as my life partner. I felt like a FAILURE and it HURT.
Among all the other people sitting in the church chapel taking in this talk, I let myself cry. As I sat a little longer and let it sink in, and tried to stop wallowing in my self pity, I realized, I wasn't the only failure in my scenario. I realized that not only should the mother love the father, but the father should also love the mother. I may feel like a failure because I gave up on the fight and walked away from the person that was causing me so much sadness and hatred but he also basically held the door for me as I walked away. Neither one of us gave a fighting chance to save our marriage and when we threw in the towel neither of us looked back.
What happened to love the one you're with? To forever & always, till death do us part? Its all gone just like that, like it was EASY to walk away..... WHY??
I battle this almost daily, wondering what went so completely wrong.....
We just STOPPED. We stopped laughing, caring, and loving. Stopped fighting for each other, stopped trying to bring each other up. A friend once told me that you should always forgive, and always serve one another: put the one you love first, and he shall return the favor. There was the first mistake- we were just two selfish people hoping that the other one could just KNOW what the other wanted all the time. FAILURE. We let the common distractions of life get the best of us, they became bigger than our life together. Were those issues fixable? ABSOLUTELY. Did we choose to fix those things? Nope. Forgiveness is a virtue and we both didn't know how to forgive. We liked to play the "blame game" You did this, you did that. But we never took responsibility for our own mistakes. We lessened the value of our relationship. We didn't respect each other, we took more than we gave until the "love bank" eventually ran out. Pride got in our way, and in my opinion pride is the root of all evil, and our pride ruined us. We would rather serve ourselves first, and we became broken beyond repair.
So when I say, love the one you're with, I mean it. Do it, and do it wholeheartedly. Give into each other, serve each other, laugh, play, enjoy and love each other equally together. Never take more than you give. Just someone, take the advice I couldn't take myself. Because being together, in love, is far better than being broken.
I'm done wallowing in self pity and grief, I am looking at this experience to better myself. I am going to be happy myself before I can expect to be happy with someone else. I am going to be selfish, because now, I have the ability to be selfish without overlooking my spouses needs. I am starting a journey to find happiness, and to love the person I'm with...... even if that person, is ME.

Always,
Ky