I've
been pondering this for a while..... and trying to figure out how to foot
around the topic without people pointing fingers and assuming I'm talking about
someone in specific and just acting dramatic.....
I'm
not.... I'm just throwing out how I feel about it.... when it does happen, so here it goes...
When
did life's relationships become less black-and-white, and straight up?
I
feel like it's always a constant in between..... You
have good, happy relationships, and relationships that are toxic to your mind,
and well being. You
have supportive friends, honest, bold faced, trustworthy friends....
You
come across people that are bad influences, depressive, and dishonest.
I
used to be able to decipher the difference.... I knew who was bad and who was
good, but anymore I feel like a huge majority of people you get the two for one
special. I have been battling this past year about "true friends" the
ones that support me and my life and happiness....
the
ones that are my friend regardless of being friends with my ex.... instead of
"pretending" to be my friend to my face.... but the second he comes
around..... they don't like me or "we don't hang out anymore" ??? My decisions I make in my personal life should
have nothing to do with how our friendship works? I could care less if people
are friend with my ex! I think it's fantastic if everyone likes everyone! Or my
favorite..... (because social media rules our lives these days) when you follow
other people on line just to snoop into their life but every post they make you
have a rude comment about.... why are you wasting your time and following them
being their friend..... stop acting like a frienemies nobody likes it done to
themselves... .stop doing it to other people.
It's
disheartening, really, when you are stuck in a confusing situation of deep down
knowing who your "true friends" are.... and most days you have no
clue. I am constantly coming face to face with this..... I figure I can
wholeheartedly trust someone with a secret, or with my feelings.... and know
that it will stay between us. And as you grow up they saying goes "you
know who your friends are....."
hmmmm not really, no.
13
years ago I could of told my childhood friend that we weren't suppost to sneak
candy after the parents go to bed.... but we did it anyways.... and we pinky
swore we wouldn't throw each other under the bus.... that secret got taken to
the grave!!
Then
you get to high school, with the mixed emotions of puberty, throw in the drama
of boys, bad choices and rules.
You
sneak out of the house to meet up with some older friends and boys.... You're
parents find out....
Again,
this time in life you pinky swear/ best friend handshake on it that you won't
throw each other under the bus..... Except
this time the scenario can go one of two ways....
1: You
also, keep this secret to the grave. along with your afterhours junk food pack.
2: the
other friend blames the other for something like "she made me do
it" "it wasn't my idea"
Now,
as adults..... we tell each other secrets, or discuss our life's mysteries
about men, and clothing trends... we discuss that we hate women that are
"two faced" and "fake".... but just when all reality some
scheme of things.... we are somewhat that same way as those women we have so
much distaste for?
We
have the .....
"My husband/boyfriend/girlfriend is an
asshole lately" talks....
"The- I really need to just talk about life, because its a mess.... "
"The pregnancy scare what am I going to do with my life plans now.,, ---- or "I am so excited after trying for months I'm pregnant"
"This friend is being a pain and I don't
know how to handle it"
"I
really am sick of work these days"
"The
I was told in SECRET by this person so you have to PROMISE not to tell another
soul (which the person who told you that secret made you promise this same
thing.... which you are now breaking...)"
And
for some reason or another you'll have 5 phone calls by the end of the week
saying You're breaking up with your boyfriend? .... You're pregnant?!!?...... You don't
like this girl? I thought you were so close?!.... You quit your job?!..... ect.... (you get the point)
What
happened to honesty, and trust in relationships- And I'm talking about
relationships that you believe to be this way..... I'm not talking about those
facebook frienemies again.... you expect this from women that you just mutually
agree to be nice to each other in public so you put a happy face on.. (you
shouldn't be telling them your life's problems anyways cuz you know they aren't
trustworthy....so that's your own fault) .....
BUT The people that are your
"safe place" .... you shouldn't be expecting this from them.... What
happened to knowing deep down in your heart that you're friends with someone
and they are your friend to your face..... and behind your back?
When
did the majority of relationships become "half assed" ??
And,
Im not going to be a hypocrite and say I have NEVER been this type of girl....
cuz I have.
Believe
me. I used to be as fake as it could get. But now, going through what I've gone
through in life, and having alot of heart to hearts with plenty of other
people.... I have discovered who these friends are who they are not..... but I
have also learned that it does nobody any good to let someone open your heart
and share something with you just to go along and dishonor their trust.... its
not okay.
Either
you are a friend, or you're not. Straight up. No bull. No lies. You
don't consider yourself to be "besties" with someone one day and then
when a mutual friend asked oh I don't really like her/him.... and you agree
with them just to save face.... or so you don't make yourself look
bad..... NOT OK. You're an awful friend.
Here
is my oath as a friend to the men/women that I do choose to be friends
with...regardless of how I have proven this to be true in the past. I am a safe
place. I am honest, and trustworthy. I live by the childhood " treat
others how you would like to be treated" mantra. I wouldn't want someone
to spread things about me, nor tell a secret (that was specifically told to be
kept that way) to someone else- so I do
the same respect for them.
It's
common sense.... I
just wish more people had it.
On
the last note.... I am just glad that I know my safe place lays within my own
home. With my boyfriend and son. or with
my parents in their home. I love being
able to know that my boyfriend and I have no secrets. We trust and love each other to every extreme... We can talk
about things that bother us, and things that have happened to us and never
judge. Same
for my parents, they never judge and truthfully give their opinion and support.So
as I've gotten older, I have learned you know you your friends are..... and
it supports the blood is thicker than water theory. But take that with a grain of salt, I do have a couple of select friends that I know are behind me one hundred percent and I am so beyond grateful for those (few) girls I have in my life! But like I said, this post isn't about anyone in particular but just proving my point.... Because as we grow up we realize, its less important to have a lot of friends: And more important to have real ones.
The End. Be good people.
Be honest. Be straight up. No lies.
xoxox,
Ky
